Patiently waiting upon the Lord

I took Lance to the airport on Monday the 6th it was hard saying good bye to him for 2 weeks. But I rejoiced in the fact that I was more upset having to be without my husband for 2 weeks than not getting to go on the trip with him to Africa.
See last time I didn't get to go to Africa it wasn't pretty I was so miserable and actually fell into a mild depression over the whole thing. This time has been completely different. I had been praying, along with Lance, that God would change my desire and realign my priorities. For so long I have always just looked upon myself as Keri the African Missionary. It was my goal, my dream, my full blooded passion. It's what made me want to be a nurse it's what really fueled my walk in the Lord. The first time when it was so carelessly ripped out of my grasps I was devastated. I actually allowed it to eat on me for too long and I slowly began to see the repercussions of it on my walk with the Lord. I didn't want that to happen this time. Which is why I began praying for God to change my priorities and perhaps even take away the passion for Africa if it wasn't suppose to be there.
I can't explain why the last two trips I have had planned didn't work out. It does make me wonder about this passion and if anything will ever come about it. But I know what I feel for Africa is real. I know that I want to be apart of something that really matters something I can see and believe a difference in. I don't want to live my life and at the end of it when I'm standing before the Lord feel embarrassed and ashamed of how I lived here on this Earth. I don't want to live for my own desires. I have heard over and over again missions is everywhere it's where you are at. That America needs missionaries too and although I know this is true, It's just so different over here than it is in Africa. And the Lord placed a passion in me for Africa not America.
In AFrica you are constantly surrounded by needs it's so much easier for me to not lust after material things because no one really has much of anything over there. It's so much easier to thirst and hunger after the Lord because He truly is the most desirable thing on the face of the planet and over there there's not much to compete with him. It breaks my heart that I think there is anything worth comparing or competing with him here.... It shows my own lustful heart that I really desire some things the World has to offer over my great and glorious KING! (Father forgive me I'm so sorry)
I sometimes fear that I'll miss out on my destiny if I never go and live in Africa. I fear that something great is suppose to take place over there that I could be apart of something bigger over there than anything this life in America has to offer me. I'm afraid that I'll always just live for myself here and lust over things I don't need. I want to love people and I want to serve the Lord in everything I do. I want to give more of myself and consider everyone better than I consider myself, to place complete strangers needs above my own needs. How do I live that life out here in America???
I realize that for Now I'm not called to live in Africa. I feel confident that Lance and I are following His will and that he has lead us to WACO to go to seminary. That He has placed this child in my womb and blessed us with a new life. I just wonder why it is that God also placed this burden and this desire for Africa so passionately in my heart. Will anything ever come about it? I hold to the promise that Philippians 1 brings me which says, "He who began a good work in you will carry it out onto the completion of the day of Christ Jesus."
I know that right now the Lord is just saying trust me Have Faith and continue following me. I don't know what the future holds but I also realize that the Lord doesn't want me to necessarily know the future right now either. It's as if He is testing me saying do you have faith will you trust me? Which leads me to this quote I found earlier....


"In short, true faith on our part demands that we patiently wait on our Lord. Our response to him should be, “Lord, I believe you’re true to your Word. And by the power of your Spirit within me, I’m going to wait patiently until you bring these things to pass in my life. My part is to remain in faith, waiting on you.”

And So I will wait.
-Keri